I woke up to a realization some time last week and I’ve been pondering it every day since.

I suddenly realized that no one has ever hurt me.

That people don’t have that kind of power over me.

This came to me through a series of insights as a situation from my past came to mind and I perceived “hurt” differently. Not as “they did something hurtful” but as a distilled dose of the heavy meaning I had given it… all of it.

I was giving the entire situation and events within the situation meaning that…was hurtful to me.

Because they did this…it means that.

Because they said this…it means that.

Because this happened…it means this.

Because that happened…it means that.

And of course…

It means this and that about me.

Wow what a cluster of a mindf*ck if I ever gave myself one before. No wonder it hurt so bad.

Of all the meanings I could have given any of it, I chose the most hurtful. Like thumbing through the dictionary and finding the most horrible words to call myself. I did that with meanings.

When I had the power to choose differently.

I didn’t know I had the power to choose meanings that felt good to me, helped me, supported me…

Instead, it was a cinematic spiral into negative meaning that led me to self-destruction fueled by hurt.

We get to choose our own meaning, to everything. Whether it be positive, negative, or even neutral.

I still catch myself doing this from time to time…giving situations and happenings negative meaning. When I see it, I giggle a bit and say “That’s not what that means, silly.”

Lora Perry