The Quiet Faith of Falling Leaves

A Reflection on Surrender, Trust, and the Natural Order of Things

I was out taking the dog for a walk as I pondered about trust.

Why couldn’t I, or why don’t I trust that everything will work out for me?

I wonder, what is the opposite of trust?

Surely, if I’m not in trust I must be in worry or fear, right?

As I put one foot in front of the other, small drops of rain landed on my jacket and created an orchestra of sound as they swelled and began hitting the heavy layers of orange, yellow and red fall leaves scattered about the sidewalk, the street, and covering lawns.

Certainly, I knew intellectually that everything works out just as it needs to. In my 20’s I lived this carefree life of knowing this deeply.

Had I forgotten?

I hadn’t forgotten. Maybe, I wondered… Maybe I stopped believing in trust?

Had I lost my faith, the openness of trust?

I asked myself why I would entertain such a belief that didn’t support me at all, in fact it caused me to suffer.

Surely, somewhere in my mind I must have a belief that mistrust and worry support me or I wouldn’t do it.

Sure enough, I noticed it kept me on guard. It made me feel kind of safe in its own way.

What else would I get out of being in a state of worry?

What positive experience could worry possibly give me?

Does worry just keep me busy?

Does it make me feel like I‘m something, especially when I don't know what to do?

Is it just a habit I've built?

I’m not entirely sure, but I realize the why and the reason doesn’t matter so much.

What matters is that it was time for me to replace it with something that does support me.

Suddenly, there below my feet and falling gracefully from the trees, I see the answer clear as day.

I trust the leaves to fall. I never mistrust them to do what they are supposed to do.

I trust the seasons.

I trust the wind, the waves, the seeds, the sun and the moon to do whatever they need to do.

I trust the flowers in spring to bloom and the bees to do their part.

I trust the pinecones to fall and respond to moisture and heat.

Surely, I don't worry or fear if nature will show up and carry through.

Surely, me trying to control all of the elements in the orchestration of nature would be overwhelming and more than a full-time job. Thankfully, it has its own systems.

It just does it all, all by itself.

It orchestrates. It comes together. It all works. Beautifully, flawlessly, seamlessly.

Me worrying or fearing doesn’t alter what nature will do. That would be silly, I would just suffer more.

Nature just does itself. It always works out.

It was at that moment, I realized my choice.

If I trust in nature to do all that it does on time and as necessary, I can make a choice to trust myself and all elements of my life, too.

I am not separate from nature, I am a part of it.

I am not outside of nature. I am nature.

My life is nature, miracles are nature.

The storms and the weather are nature. The lightning, thunder, rainbows, clouds, warm summer days, starry nights. They are all nature. And they are perfect.

My choice stands before me.

I have to either trust all of nature.

Or none of it at all.

Lora Perry